…and ninety percent how we react to it. That said, it’s been a tough morning. My daughter, as eighth graders can, had a major meltdown over her missing Air Pods; citing that she’d be stuck with her thoughts all day. This resulted in what will likely be an unexcused tardy and the depletion of my patience. On top of that, my girlfriend/primary partner went on a triple-ish date last night with her fwb and another friend, which resulted in some edginess and anxiety for me this morning as well. I do surrender my resentment for such things as I said I was okay with the situation, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my feelings.
The reality for my daughter was likely more along the lines of she had an important thing going on in school today, a mock trial in her English class. The trial was based around the classic book “The Outsiders”. My daughter’s role was as a police officer/character witness for the prosecution. She worked diligently on her affidavit and even proudly showed it to me and asked me to ask her about it. The stress of that combined with the morning not being ideal on account of lack of aural distraction resulted in lost nerve and the tears in the school parking lot.
I’m sure after the mock trial she will return to her normal, sometimes chatty disposition. Her airpods will likely turn up as well.
The reality for my gf is in agreeing to be ENM there are times that interactions with others will trigger anxiety. I experience it. she experiences it. We talk about it. We reassure each other (which she has been great about for this instance). We reconnect emotionally and physically. And ultimately, as backwards as it sounds, it creates deeper intimacy and closeness between us.
Still here I sit, writing and trying to get my frustration out of my head and back on track for my work day. I wanted to lose my cool on my daughter and momentarily experienced a case of the “fuck its” for my primary relationship. While my emotions are jostled, my brain and heart say that those wouldn’t be good reactions.
I often find it better to “react with inaction” as the emotional waves roll over me and take care of basic things within me first. Namely, I was tired and hungry for much of this morning. Now that I’ve been at a coffee shop, eating a small breakfast sandwich and sipping some caffeinated heaven, I’m feeling a bit better. Time has also dulled the initial stabs of frustration and anxiety. Indeed, the lenses through which I see the world are returning to their normal, sometimes overly-rosy, focus and hew.
The New Normal 