Things have been a challenge lately on the relationship front. I had some relapsing and things have been on the verge of a breakup. It’s as if we were wandering through a thick fog; unable to see and all we had were our feelings and instincts as a guide. For a while we were lost from each other.
Wilderness survivalists will tell you to stay put when lost and make only the most deliberate of decisions. It maximizes the chances for help to trace your steps and find you. This can work against my problem solving instinct. In my mind there’s always a better way. A big part of my surrender is letting that go in certain situations and realizing that time, on the small scale, is plentiful. Feelings need to be felt and allowed to pass and engaging things head-on isn’t always the best approach.
After a few weeks there are now a few rays of sun beginning to bake off the treacherous fog. Staying put we avoided further separation and the chasms, cliffs and quick sand that would result in permanent separation.
We could see each other and that we were only tens of meters away. Funny how the fog dampens even hearing such that words fall dead right outside one’s mouth. We began to talk. First with “hello” followed by guarded speak of feelings and apologies. Fully able to see we were able to cautiously approach each other on the damp ground and embrace. Together we were looking for the right direction to head, but unsure what direction that should be and would it even be the same path for both of us.
With some cautious reservation, we chose the same path. Walking it slowly along a noticeable incline. The incline took some work. Slippery spots, burls and jagged rocks resulted in some effort. Still we were willing to help each other keep our footing and progress. Looking back we saw that we were coming out of a smoky labyrinth of a bog. Imposing even from the higher ground.
Moving ahead, the trail still weaved and challenged, but the more we talked. The more willing we were able to expose our weaknesses and vulnerabilities the more we began to see that we could help each other shore-up those weaknesses and a sense of security began to reemerge.
Elevating from the foggy depths, the sun opened up and greeted us warmly. Hand in hand our pace grew more steady and sure. Enough was now illuminated that the path was reaching a precipice and began to follow a ridge-line. The trail was just wide enough where we could walk closely side-by-side.
In places the summit trail was wide and warm with fresh grasses and flowers to admire. Springs arose in these places providing some of the freshest places for a rest. Sometimes the path rose and descended quickly along narrow throughways. Almost as if the path was the edge of a flint blade; freshly-struck and razor sharp. Missteps in these places would result in the end for us. Carefulness and calm were needed. Still the sun grew warmer and with every few steps we knew each other more and trusted further still.
The path will take a long time to traverse and sans map we only feel it to be the right direction. Still we have agreed to carry on together for an undefined time.