I’m coming off of a couple of good, productive days. A little of this is a recap from my last post. I went to see a Led Zeppelin tribute band on Saturday with a friend and his wife. The band was very well rehearsed. It was an impressive show complete with a true drum solo. Some women got up and danced during certain appropriate songs (e.g. Dancing Days). I had to work hard to keep from staring too much. I was, for the most part, able to focus on the music and in all it was a fun night.
On Sunday, I think my frustration over the accident, perhaps mixed with a little residual lust and envy from Saturday night crept up on me. I was angst-y. For some reason this manifests itself as resentment towards my wife. Why could she never be fun and relaxed like the women dancing at the show? Why do I have to drive the piece of shit car while she got the new vehicle. Frankly, I need to let all that go. I could have chosen to buy a better car. Not all women worth their salt get up and dance drunkenly. Surely, the affair person wouldn’t have. It took some fellowship Sunday night to finally get my head right.
I worked Monday. Much of the time there was spent in the lab performing some testing. The time working with my hands, be it in the lab or at home, I’m finding to be quite therapeutic. I got the Fitbit I received for Christmas working as well. Seems making sure I get all my steps (10k) in and filling out other parameters and tracking them closely is just what my OCD-self needs. At least it’s healthier than lusting after the affair person. I hit the gym Monday night and went to bed tired.
Tuesday and today I am off of work. Tuesday was by and large a good day. I got a bit more work done in the basement. My car parts are all ordered. I went to see “The Hobbitt:Five Armies” for the second time with a friend and got dinner with another group of friends.
Sometimes leaving such fellowship leaves me feeling very lonely and tempted. Last night was no exception. I am sad to report that I partially caved to my weakness and drove past the affair person’s place. All the while I told myself it was a horrid idea. The action left me in so much pain I’m hoping I learned my lesson. There is no good reason to venture any closer to her house than where I work. I had to call out and bear my pain last night. Now I am up at 6am writing. I’m starting to feel the feelings subside and I am hopeful today will find me at peace.
The wife and kids return from their holiday today. I take joy in the prospect of seeing my kids (and even the wife) today, but really I need to be in the moment and let this Higher Power thingy help me make the right actions. I could sure use a hug though.