Last Sunday was celebrated as “Epiphany”, denoted as the time when the three kings of the orient are… (and tried to smoke a rubber cigar, according to my dad) visited Bethlehem and witnessed and realized Jesus as God in human form.
I’m not meaning for this to be a religious post, but the Homily I heard was all to do with epiphanies that happen to us in daily living. Moments in which we have a a striking or sudden insight or realization. It has had me thinking about what epiphanies I’ve had in life, particularly in recent times.
I think the big one of 2014 was the realization of just how screwed up the affair I was having was and how I just needed to be done and try my best to live up to the consequences. It was something that just hit me. Instantly I felt restored to sanity and had great clarity. My focus returned, I immediately became productive at work once again. The impact of my actions was also crystal clear so I felt a great sadness, but a motivation to get on the right path. Being done with the affair person became easy, because it is what I HAD to do. That insanity had consumed me and left me ineffective in life.
On the bright side of the bleak darkness is the realization that, despite all that has happened, there is still much to be grateful for. There is the realization that healing is going to take time. Time is one of the luxuries I feel I have in recovering from this. It allows me to think before I act. It allows me to negotiate my feelings and separate the desire to do stupid things (like try to contact the affair person) from the feelings that are causing that desire. Usually the feelings are some manifestation of fear. In becoming sane, I realize that the fear is really detachment from life, from my HP and that’s when I need to get to work. I need to get writing to sort my thoughts, I need to make calls and talk things out, I need to meditate and I need to try and be in the moment and of service as best I can.
Maybe some day I’ll have another epiphany, but I think I had the one I need for now. 🙂