I started playing this “Clash of Clans” online game. It’s fun, but I do it in large part to have an activity with my son. It even maintains some positive interaction with the ex-wife. I’m not very good at it, but I’d rather be much better at my job, playing golf and guitar. In other words, much like golf, I’m okay with sucking at ‘Clans.
The thing I’d like to point out here is that my ex-brother-in-law (EBIL, now there’s a catchy acronym) is completely obsessed with the game. It’s to the point that the ex-wife (EW, hey another catchy acronym) mentioned to me that the EBIL’s family is thinking of planning an intervention. I had to chuckle, but I also had to give one of those sad sighs.
I wondered if my fix had been something of trivial harm, like gaming or crochet, and not women, sex and dependency. Would life be better? Would I have been happier in my marriage? At a top level, gaming is even something my wife enjoys. In happier times we’ve played video games together, and even are now with ‘Clans.
I think I’d still be married, well not getting divorced I guess I’m still married in the legal sense, but my obsessiveness would take on the new form and detract from what I want to achieve in life and for my family. Frankly, I dream big and despair over not making progress on those dreams, even minimal progress. Central to living a satisfying life is asking myself, “does this bring me long term happiness and does it serve others, my HP and myself?”
‘Clans, on the surface doesn’t, but I need to remember that my being involved brings my son some happiness and lets him know that I am connected to him. It is perhaps the challenge to still be okay being awful at the bloody game, enjoy the interaction and keep in mind that I’ve got much bigger “fish to catch”
I think ultimately, I’m OCD with addictive tendencies. Obsessing over anything too much and too long and losing sight of service and the connections that truly bring joy only hurts the one life I’m given to live.