In my last couple of posts I found myself struggling with the affair person. A friend of mine gave me the suggestion to “just don’t contact her for today, there’s plenty of time and (I) can reevaluate tomorrow.” I’m very grateful for that advice. By the next morning the craving, for lack of a better term, had subsided enough to take a more objective viewpoint. Namely:
- Contacting her would have just led back to covering things up and shying away from honesty with the (ex)wife.
- I have enough going on in my life and my own goals to achieve and stuff to work on to take on another “project”
- That not acting on the impulse didn’t kill me and in fact I feel much better than the shame and guilt load I would have acquired.
- I momentarily made her my higher power. It’s time to get back to the one that works for me.
On a more philosophical note I think there’s a fundamental incompatibility with the affair person, namely I sought the affair (and my other misbehavior) as a means of rebellion and independence, the result of lots of pent up resentment dealt with unhealthily. I think she sought the affair to escape her fear and feelings and be attached to someone else.
I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. Some of it is lofty (make my first $1 million by 40, or were it $40 million 😛 ), but none of it involves immersed emotional dependence on someone else. Reconnecting that dysfunction would surely derail both near and far term plans.
Bottom line: I have time to work through my cravings, don’t rush and just focus on doing the “next right thing”.