“Are you seeing someone?”
“No, mom, I’m not”
“Then why didn’t you come out with us last night?”
“I just didn’t feel like it?”
“but you went out by yourself?”
I love how thoroughly misunderstood I am, or how unable my parental unit(s) (one more than the other) are to comprehend just how miserable and depressed I’m feeling at times. Particularly, after seeing my kids.
In general, I really noticed how my mom likes to pick and poke crass or condescending jabs at me. There’s also a noticeable lack of empathy for my situation. I need to work on letting it go, she’s just another struggling person in this world too. However, it does make me angry at times. There’s a lot of shame in her jabs and they often pertain to how I’m spending money wrong, how I’m living my life wrong, how I’m overweight (or not on my diet and exercise program). I think a lot of it is reflection of her shame (e.g. she’s much more overweight than I, handled money poorly in a number of situations, etc.), but seriously?
Last night was one of those depressed nights. It’s not like I want to be feeling low, in fact I realize I need to be the motivator for getting passed those feelings. I had just gotten done seeing the movie “Tomorrowland” with the ex and kids and my sister had just announced her engagement. My sis and her fiance came by my folks’ to go out for a celebratory drink. I didn’t feel like being the fifth wheel so opted to stay home. Instead I went for a run and then went to a bar to be alone, but with some background noise and atmosphere. I did a little writing and watched the Blackhawks/Ducks playoff game, went home and went to bed.
I think I need to be more vocal about how I’m feeling, but on the other hand I don’t trust that it would be taken as anything but rude or negative by…well my mom anyway.