NPR is reporting that the infidelity website Ashley Madison was hacked. Click here for the story.
Now…why am I posting this? Because that is how I came into contact with the AP. I have some fear over the hacking, but I also am just finding it another exercise in surrender. If something bad does happen, e.g. job loss or stoning, I know that regardless it’s time to “pay the piper”. Really, I didn’t leave any banking info or the like for the site and losing my way of life is hell enough. If I have anything else due I’ll weather it and there will still be much to be grateful for. It just reminds me of a place that was insatiably intoxicating, but that I never wish to go back to.
In the infinite wisdom of Alfred E. Newman, “What, me worry?”
The New Normal 
It must be very troubling. Hugs xo.
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Thanks, Emma! It’s nothing I didn’t earn though, right?
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After 3 years without sex, I had an affair. So no judgements from me. Doesn’t mean you deserve ur info hacked!
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This might ramble a bit. There are several men on these cheating blogs who admit it to, or were discovered by, their wives. Some are despondant, some guilty, some yearning for the AP, but they were deceptive and got away with lying for a while. In some cases the wife does not know. There is info that narcissistic tendencies, or even NPD, are more prevelant in men. These men start thie blogs as sad cases but rather quickly morph into the underlying narcissism that is present. I have no idea about you so I just wonder. Do you consider yourself someone who will always cheat? The reason I ask is because on one hand you appear to mourn the demise of your marriage but on the other want it over. Also, I think there is some self delusion in that you were outraged over your lover’s deceptions while lying and cheating on your wife. This is where my confusion lies. Who are you?
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I wondered after the proverbial “shit hit the fan” if I was narcissistic. I was numb to my feelings towards my wife. As healing took hold though I was/am left with sorrow over my role in the whole thing. I admit, I was unhappy in my marriage. In hindsight, the affair was a gutless way to deal with that unhappiness. The addiction/dependency model certainly fits as there were a lot of times I felt I needed to stop but something kept driving me forward until “bottom”, but without the resentment, etc. from my marriage I even question that at times too.
Obviously, my anger at the AP is hypocritical as ethical cheating is the epitome of an oxymoron.
It is my intention that I never wreak such havoc on anyone again. that’s requiring a lot of work on being rigorously honest and addressing the defects that make me tick and I won’t be looking to enter another relationship without that work being done. In being honest with myself; yes I’m certainly capable of cheating again, but I don’t ever want to cheat again.
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