I head to my therapist in 5 minutes so here it goes:
How do I know when someone is meeting my emotional needs versus knowing that my emotional needs come down to me? When I’m with the gf things are great, but when I’m apart I feel like I’m out of sight/out of mind. Is this just me or is there a missing piece? I get the impression that she is content with the status quo, but I feel edgy and unwanted. That’s a bad combination for a compulsive like me. I don’t want to make the knee-jerk reaction, so I’m taking my time. I need to figure out where I end and the other person begins and what level of “in between” I can take to feel content. The tough nut is that “when I feel off there’s something wrong with me” maybe I need to be more assertive, maybe I need to quit bellyaching, maybe I need to run.
My 5 minutes are up, I need to run…
The New Normal 
Hmmm… I saw myself when you wrote “content with the status quo ….. out of sight, out of mind” I like my own space and want to give that to him also. Yet, at the same time, I feel the relationship ‘should’ deepen. Hope your session was enlightening. 🙂
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It was good. Essentially, I need to give a her a fair shot at meeting my connection needs, then go from there.
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Just a thought. You are not even divorced yet….or are you? Either way it is too soon for a girlfriend. You stated you have a problem with monogamy. Fix that first. Right now you are setting yourself, and her, for a rough ride because you have one foot out the door……just in case. Just date. Have fun. Think about it. It took you two seconds to fall for the OW, divorce and then get another girlfriend.
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I’ve been divorced for over 6 months (separated 20 months). Done a little dating, had some fun and some awkwardness. Essentially I think a good person that I can connect with is worth vetting.
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Worth vetting? I can assure you that women do not seek to be vetted out like a merger and acquisition. Women want to be loved, just like you. Perhaps you are putting out there what you are receiving and you just do not see it yet? Why treat this like it’s your forever if you have ANY doubts about it now.
Sometimes wisdom spews from the oddest of places…I’m hardly one to speak to what is just said, but from my standpoint, you are early enough in this relationship to speak your truth.
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Of course no one seeks to be vetted/judged, but what is dating but a vetting of if someone is a good fit for a longer term relationship. As far as speaking my truth goes, a talk was had. We are in a good place at the moment.
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