I’m still struggling getting used to deciding someone isn’t my person and just leaving it at that. It becomes more tough when initially hit it off, but decide that they’re not the one for you. Enter “C”, she’s a school counselor and rock/stone/crystal aficionado. Not the illicit varieties, but literally rocks. Apparently they have various “energies“.
I’m not disputing that there are minerals that could be useful to our bodies if we consume them. For example, we do need some sodium in our diets which can originate from salt. However, placebo effect aside, metaphysical BS is just that, BS. That pretty much had me convinced this was not the person for me, but I was okay with hanging out another time or two.
For our first date we got drinks at a bourbon bar called the Volstead House that you had to get to by walking through another restaurant and behind a curtain. This was a unique place. It was also close to Halloween so the staff was all gothed up. The drink list was leather bound and they had a whole wall of imbibances. Lately, I’ve been fancying traditional Old Fashioneds and have been sampling them around town. Theirs was decent, a little strong with the bourbon, but had a smooth finish. The luxardo cherries, a required qualifier for being on the top of my list, always makes for a delicious ending.
We got dinner after drinks in the restaurant we walked through. I had a salad that epitomized adequate. During the evening the conversation flowed decently enough. She was recovering from a concussion from having to wrangle a student and went on about her camping adventures. Seems she had an aversion to sleeping in tents, preferring a hammock. She was also an avid music festival attendee. I could kind of envision her freaking out to some Grateful Dead.
At the end of the first night I walked her to her car. She was a bit shorter than me, but let me lean in for a quick kiss. I try not to prolong anything on the first date. The ending physical contact is really just taking the temperature of the interaction; seeing if it went well on both ends. This was a decent enough date. Although I didn’t really have that strong urge to see her again, but would still hang out if the timing was good.
I’m learning that this feeling isn’t a good omen for dating and that there are enough people out there that I should take it as the time to get moving on and not sink more resource into things.
Still, we hung out one other time. She was on her way home from work and was cutting through my end of town. We met at a local bar and had a drink and shared an appetizer. The conversation still flowed decently enough and there was some joking around.
After drinks we took to my car and had a short makeout session. Unfortunately, this is what clinched the deal for her not being my person. The kissing was just bad. I felt part like she was trying to swallow my head. Also, when I moved to kiss her neck I caught a weird smell. It was kind of like the smell of play-dough. Lastly as hands wandered I noticed she had slender-ish legs, but was big above the hips. That really put me off as it is the same stature of my ex-mother in law. All of a sudden in my mind I was making out with her!
I had to stop, easing myself away and brought her to her car. I tried to think nothing of the interaction, but couldn’t shake the image in my head, the head swallowing and the scent. I feel very shallow about it, but with the rocks and such I knew it wasn’t going anywhere.
It’s always hard for me to break stuff off. I hate giving hurt feelings. That’s actually a character defect of my own. I tough things out until I can’t take it. This time I kind of backed away on the communication and finally messaged her that I wasn’t interested.
I do think there was a little bit of hurt feelings and I was told to, in the future, end things before the kissing. I don’t think I can do that though, the physical is part of the deal and has to be there. Sometimes you need to find that out in the most literal sense. I apologized and wished her the best of luck.
With this being a slightly older date, one thing I’m starting to notice is that there is no shortage of advice thrown my way “for the next girl”. Obviously, that doesn’t help with the guilt, but I don’t necessarily think it should matter. I acted in what I interpret to be an ethical manner. It can just take me some time, maybe a little more evaluation that some guys, to make the decision firm in my mind.
I hate the idea of becoming brash and cold hearted over this dating stuff, but maybe that’s a good reason for the breaks to be early and fast. In this case, I needed a little more information and learned I’m not down with metaphysics or other superstition. It seems this dating stuff might help me learn a bit about myself.