Since I’m getting into this dating thing, I thought it might be fun to journal about some of the experiences. Admittedly, I’m getting a little behind in those efforts. In the spirit of playing “catch-up” I’m putting some of the highlight dates out there. I’m finding there’s a lot of mundane-ness in dating.

First dates are particularly painful with the small talk with the “getting to know you” questions. However, a kiss at the end of the date is a good indicator if things went well. A hug usually means, thanks, but no thanks. In my experience these have occurred mutually in all cases. That is, I’ve never felt put out by not receiving a smooch, nor have I felt forced to go beyond a hug.

It’s the second and beyond dates that get interesting. You/we’ve both found each other stimulating enough to invest more time. Things may even get a little more physical; maybe even reverting to being frisky teenagers.

This particular date was the proverbial “third date”. It was a little impromptu as Eva and I found ourselves alone in our respective houses doing nearly nothing. At this point we knew we were into each other. We had gotten drinks twice and managed to steam up the rear windows of my car on our second date with a little makeout session.

It’s still seems a little silly to me for two 40-somethings to be getting all hot and bothered in the backseat of a car. Mind you that 18 year old me would have been trying to at least round some bases whereas 41 year old me was good with some kissing and closeness.

Things seemed to gel well between Eva and I and both of us were looking forward to our next get-together. Thus, company was warranted on a quiet evening and she invited me over.

This was a couple of weeks before Christmas and she had a cute, barely three feet tall Christmas tree. It actually inspired me to get a smaller tree this year, although mine was between five and six feet tall. The base of her tree was huge compared to the tiny thing which made it in a way cute.

We sat on her couch and admired the tree, comparing how I did Christmas with my kids versus how she did it with her son. Seizing upon a moment of silence we began a steamy makeout session on her couch. This was definitely better than in the back of the car, but still had its constraints and need for strategic pillow placement to save on weird twisting and corners of the armrests jabbing into our backs. Well that depended on who was on top at any moment.

If there was to be one key difference between getting physical as a teen or college student and getting physical as adults I would have to say as adults we are a bit more conscientious about our actions…usually. We agreed that actual sex wasn’t happening that night. That was by no means a message that there was to be no grinding or skin on skin contact. In fact, Eva was very quick to have my shirt and hers off and hugged and squeezed into my tightly, pressing herself against me as hard as she could. She liked a lot of very close pressure.

Another thing I’ve found in my recent dating life is just how much the neck ranging from collarbone to ear lobes are a sort of sweet spot. Kissing, nibbling and even a tiny bit of biting (I never leave marks without permission) tend to invoke a near instinctive reaction resulting in everything from gasps and soft moans to hip rolling and the exclamation of more carnal desires.

Eva was no exception to the neck observation. She also very much enjoyed my whispering sweet, maybe mildly naughty “nothings” in her ear with that close range soft voice with enough timbre to tingle the eardrum and a light enough breath/exhale to engage those amazingly sensitive aural nerve endings. I have to admit, I enjoy that in the converse as well.

The kissing and talking led to requests and desires for me to kiss lower and to grab and squeeze. Such attention allowed for near consumed exclamation from my partner. I have to admit I was a little surprised to hear such a roar of “Oh Fuck” coming from someone who just tens of minutes before was telling me all about her church life.

There was a building intensity that only seemed to be mildly satiated with deeper kisses and admittedly harder bites and the like. Soon things were at a fever pitch with grinding and drawing fingernails down each other’s backs. I would return to her lips and they would be flush and so soft.

Eva would kiss me so intensely before I would go back to letting my kisses, and hands, wander. Finally, at one point a rhythm seemed to appear. The kind that starts rolling, picking up pace with the passion crescendo-ing to a fever pitch. With the heightened intensity came the requests to bite harder, grind harder, squeeze, pinch and pull.

All of a sudden Eva let loose into a loud, convulsing climax. It seemed beyond powerful and it only let up when I did. Amazingly, this was primarily from the kissing and the like that I had been doing entirely “above the belt”. I though such orgasms to only be a thing of myth, but now I am sure they are very real and very amazing.

For my part, I enjoyed being able to exact such a reaction from someone I was very into. There seems to be some sort of “approval drive” with me, as perhaps it is with many guys, that I want to be some kind of ultimate lover or sexual pleasure-giver. Achieving that is almost more satisfying that my own climax; something I did not do that evening as I was enjoying the intensity of the make-out session as hot and heavy as it was.

After some time of feeling wave after wave of pleasure sweep over Eva, things finally calmed with both of us sweating and breathing heavy from the cardiovascular workout we just had as well as parched. Fortunately, ice water was within reach.

After hydrating ourselves, Eva and I laid down on the couch. To my surprise the back cushion was removable to enable more space to lay with a little space between us as we cooled. Running fingertips inducing goosebumps helps accelerate the cool feeling and we touched lightly and kissed softly on and off.

Conversation fell back to life and what we had going on in the next week or so and thought about times we could get together.

Little did I know, Eva and I would only be hanging out a couple more times. My revealing of my past sexual behavior would end up rhyming too much with her ex-husband’s behavior. While I had been working on recovery and not wanting to repeat my past, her wounds were deep and fresh enough that all I could do was tell my truth and let things end before they got much closer.

For a while after the ending of our short beginning I felt very hopeless and ashamed of my past and the scars they left. The satisfaction from telling my truth was minimal, but I know it was the right thing to do. I realize that in reciting my “warning label” I risk more outcomes such as the one with Eva.

The Eva ending gave me a dating distaste that I’m still dealing with to some extent, as though reality just “kissed me upside the cranium”. Ultimately, I needed to take that lump as well as any subsequent ones and have faith that someone will be able to see that I am putting work in and take a chance on me.

I hope not to disappoint.