It’s funny how my mind can turn on a dime and I can get a momentary infusion of insanity. That happened this afternoon. I found myself Google-ing the affair person, finding just enough “new” information to give me a rush. As I write this I’m a little shaky, but coming down off the mini-fix. Fortunately, a guy from my program called me at the right moment and I was sane enough to answer….providence and progress perhaps.
I fully acknowledge the affair person is a drug. Thoughts, desires, etc. are purely medication. So what was I looking to medicate from? Thinking over it, I think I got caught in some resentment towards my boss. I typically have a problem with authority, especially when it comes on a chaotic whim. I get that he’s in the middle of 1,000,000 things, but I think it’s kind of stupid that he pokes his head in long enough to ask about something and divert my day to something seemingly trivial.
It’s time to move forward though. I have an evening with the kiddos and hope to do a little something around the house. Thank God for semi-quick returns to sanity. I maintain that despite my situation, there’s still much to be grateful for!
The New Normal 
Did you google her cause you wanted to know what she was up to or was there another reason.
I actually searched for my husband’s affair partner and was amazed at how much information was out there….
Are you doing ok?
Where you hoping for a future with this person?
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There’s a part of me who misses her. Times I struggle there’s a part of me that feels like I need to know she’s still out there (reality is she’s very much still out there, she tried emailing me last week). She wasn’t a bad person, just a very hurt and broken person. In what I can only call my “insanity” I thought about leaving my wife for her. I’m doing ok, I feel the healing happening even if it’s slow at times. Thanks for asking! 🙂
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Are you getting out of your marriage?
Has she moved on from you?
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I’m getting divorced on account of the affair. For the second question, it’s complicated. I’ve kept “radio silent” to her though. I need to move on regardless of where she’s at.
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Did you initiate divorce? I am sorry your mistake is having such consequences…. but if you were unhappy is the right way to go
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Nope. The affair person got vendictive when I ended it and wrote the wife a lovely letter. As much as I hate to admit, it is probably right though…
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My husband’s mistress tried to tell me stuff and sent me all their emails after he broke up with her….but I made the choice to forgive him and stay.
My husband needed up filing a restraining order against her…she was pissed but got the message that he made a mistake getting involved with her.
My husband was in a bad spot when he did all that…but now he has to work so much harder at our marriage.
And now I stepped out…not as revenge but out of a need.
I need to end it…before I get into trouble.
I never want to loose my marriage or my husband.
I don’t want to hurt him…
I hope I can end it and he never finds out.
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It’s ironic that the most passionate and eloquent thing my affair person wrote was that letter. I had written her a couple stories and poems and she always talked about how she’d get back to me with one.
I recommend stopping asap and being almost cold/ruthless about it. Your mister is an adult and you can’t be in charge of his feelings. As for you and your hub, maybe an open relationship or some form of “ethical non-monogamy” might work? I’m finding my loss of integrity is one of the hardest things to square with. At least that way the fun on the side is consensual.
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I don’t want an open relationship and neither does he…he is very happy and content with me…
The reasons for his affair had nothing to do with us…he was messed up and angry at himself and his failures as a man…
However…I did step out because he refused to discuss something that sexually I was seeking…he has since discussed my needs and my desires and we’re on good track. ….back on track…
Anyhow. …I know I have to cut it off and I will do it in person soon.
Thank you for sharing
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