I am a procrastinator. “If not for the last second, nothing would get done” is often my mantra. A mantra I HATE. I’ve tried numerous things to counter this from incentives for early completion to encouraging management to yell at me. Nothing seems to break me from this cycle. Along with it come an anxiety build-up, lack of sleep, loss of weekends, loss of workout regiment and a “screw it” eating pattern. “Nothing tastes as good as skinny”…unless it’s batter-fried in oil just before a deadline. I think it might have something to do with building anxiety and priority until the thing due is the absolute number one. With completion of such a high pressure thing comes a little bit of a high from getting it done. Maybe I’m fix chasing with my procrastination? It’s definitely more of a rush than getting things done aptly early and on the clock.
I think at this point I need to, like most things, accept that this is part of my being. I do rather good work despite the waiting until the end. I maybe need to work on being at peace with this aspect of me. When there are expectations, however, and collaborators that need time I should also realize that I am wrong in not getting things done earlier. This battle is done, it’s just a matter of time until the next one. Hopefully it will be different.