I’ve been meaning to do some writing on some of the dates I’ve been on; sharing impressions, experiences and things for me to keep in mind. So off we go…
My first date was roughly a month ago with a single mom I met on Tinder. After a couple of evenings with some intermittent chatting we decided to meet at a restaurant/bar that had a Sunday evening “Dingo” game. For those of you who are scratching your heads: Dingo is just Bingo except someone (Milton-Bradley) owns the rights to it actually being called “Bingo” so bars come up with their own catchy names, such as Bar-go and Dingo.
I was also bored and looking for something to do and this sounded like enough of a time killer and innocent enough of a first date as any. I was still a little weary of getting out there using the new-to-me tools provided for on-line dating.
The drive to the place was a little far, but not too bad at about 20 minutes. Google had me taking a weird route although I found out it was due to actual road construction and not just Google maps being stupid, as it can be at times.
Waiting for me at the bar was a short blonde woman with large front teeth and a few extra pounds. She was cute in a forty-something single mom kind of was. Me being forty-something and not really picky for looks as long as some concerted attempt of upkeep and some intelligence were there. The former was okay and I was to soon learn the latter was also just okay. In a way she reminded me I lot of the affair person I got involved with and became the final straw that ended my marriage. I think there even some of the same strains of her maybe wanting, but with me being on the legit dating path with no torrid heat to stoke things on, what I felt was a plain-ness of an innocuous other person looking for some interaction in this often quiet world.
It was a relaxed introduction and evening, however it was clear that this woman’s son was the single focal point of her life. She even changed careers to work and learn about kids who have special needs like her’s. That is all well and good, but that she enjoyed no interests outside of that and the occasional game of Dingo allowed me to come to the quick realization that this was not my person, or one of my people for that matter.
I found myself having to tone down the high level of achievement of my kids with both of them working at least one year ahead in curriculum as well as developing into exceptional athletes and competent adults in training. It’s one of the few times I have ever felt uncomfortable discussing them as her son was right in their age group yet sounded infinitely behind emotionally and intellectually and my best try at empathy was to be quiet and talk about the weather and other topics that made for chatter, but not really conversation.
One of the good parts of the evening was we both won at Dingo at least once and I was able to deduct the price of one of my beverages from my check. Still, the night ended as plainly as it began and it was time to get home and put the finishing touches on our pre-Monday routines. I walked her to her car, the talking was still small-talkish with a few idle mentions of getting together again. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t quite her type either. In her mentions of her ex-husband was the picture of another person sitting at the top of the bell curve, another working stiff who got momentarily bored with life and moved on from their marriage.
I couldn’t even attempt to feel like a kiss was warranted and wrapped up an evening with the mixed gender version of the “bro” hug where the sides of our bodies engaged more than anything direct on. The top of her head didn’t make it to my chin without leaning over. Blonde stringy hair, even the hug felt awkward and a feigned attempt at cordial.
This was likely a good first date, as first dates go for someone who hasn’t really done the online dating scene. It was innocent and there wasn’t a spark. That’s likely good as I’m not really looking for “the one” at this time, but I would like to find people who are more “my people” (as my therapist says. Finding those people, and eventually a person, may require me to have a more scrutiny before taking the plunge on future first dates; making sure that there’s a little more of a connection beyond Dingo.